West Ham and the Draw

I'm about to roll out of the tiny town of San Luis Obispo to go back to tinsel town for a couple of days.  Can't wait to see United beat up on West Ham, who've I've mentioned before have the lamest nickname of all time.  The Young Boys think you've got to clean it up, Hammers.   I'm hitting my favorite place to see a game tomorrow, The Fox and Hounds in Studio City.  I'm so out of the loop here, is Rooney playing? I hope you don't come here for actual information, I'm slippin' for real.

And the Champions League draw is done.  We did a'ight.  Frankly, I'm so damn excited to beat the shit out of the Rangers I can't even express it.  Were I not a United fan I'd be wearing green and white hoops, that's how badly I hate the Rangers.  So bring them on.  We also pulled Valencia, whose solid, but if you read their wikipedia page it's friggin' sad, constantly implied as the stepchild in Spanish football.   Then we've got Bursapor which just sounds like an awful skin ailment.  I won't pretend to act like I know who the fuck Bursapor is or where they're from.  I'm not even gonna look that shit up.  I'm failing you all, I know.

Upon my return I will look to be a better blogger, man, and gardener.

Scholes dominates Newcastle

The old ginger prince still has it.  It might come every other game, but don't count him out.  He had a dazzling passing display that was capped by a ridiculous pass to Giggsy who took it out of the air for a classic Giggsy goal.  Fletch, the football genius, didn't disappoint.  And, not for nothing, Berbatov looked solid.  It would have been too good if he connected with that one volley, but a I will say, to keep up the bloggers lofty integrity, that I missed the last 10 minutes of the 1st half and first 15 of the second because I booked my cable guys to come out at, really, just a terrible time.  What I did see was a fantastic beginning to the season if not a great start to the game, but United came on, kept possession, and dominated that Newcastle ass like they do every season.  Nice day of work, Reds.  Bring on Fulham.

Things Newcastle and Apollo 16 have in common...

My 100th post, a mini-milestone for me and it comes right at the start of the 2010-11 Premier League kick off for United.  These are good omens, folks.  Look Pepe Reina already shat the bed.  Arsenal look weak.  Chelsea are obviously a contender, yeah, they won 6-0, but they weren't tested, not against West Brom.  Villa came out with something to prove, which was nice to see until Milner rolls to City in a few days...  Then we've got City drawing with Spurs.  This is a solid start, especially with United taking on Newcastle who've failed to beat United at home since Richard Nixon ordered the development of the Space Shuttle program or East Pakistan became Bangladesh or, how about this: since Apollo 16 landed on the moon.  No shit, Newcastle haven't beat United at home since someone landed on the fucking moon.  Well, there was Apollo 17 that came later, but Newcastle haven't beaten United since Apollo 16 landed there, whatever...stupid argument.  It's been a long time, that's all I'm saying.  We beat that Newcastle ass tomorrow like normal and we're top of the table where I'm predicting we're gonna be all season long...maybe second tomorrow because Chelsea dropped six but...leave me alone.

Chelsea's 3rd kit... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

He's at it again.  Roman Abramovich can't get enough neon green.  Throwing fashion doctrine, common sense and decade awareness out the window, Chelsea are rocking neon green jerseys again.  I blame this on Roman Abramovich because in my head he makes every decision at Stamford Bridge and he also speaks like Tim Roth in Pulp Fiction.  Deep in the recesses of my mind here's how I'm completely convinced decisions are made at Chelsea:

Yolanda

I love you, Pumpkin.

Roman

I love you, Honey Bunny.

Yolanda

Everyone be cool.  This is fucking the 3rd kit!

Roman

Anyone of you fuckin' pricks talk shit and I'll execute 

every one of you.  Petr Cech is wearing HyperColor!

Is it possible for Frank Lampard to look douche-y-er?

New Manchester United Striker Bebe Video...not great.

Fergie digs deep again and pulls out some Portuguese dude that looks like he could be playing bass or that pickle thing sometimes musicians shake for rhythm for a Bob Marley cover band.  United have paid a solid chunk of dough (reported at 7.4-ish million pounds, which is like a hundo million American dollars, I think) for the Rastaman, Bebe.  Goal.com has done the research, so I've got to give them credit here.  They've apparently found some footage of Bebe.  I'm not going to say it's conclusive or informative, but you do see him score a goal in some sort of practice.  I do know that Portuguese is a weird language now and that I like linguica, which I already knew, but I'm just getting out there for general information.  Let's hope Bebe is the new Chicharito, who hasn't really even played a real game for United. 

P.S. That's not a baby picture of Bebe, but how stoned does that baby look?

Mesut Ozil confirmation or hoax?

First off, sorry I've been lagging on the posts.  I don't even have a solid reason...  I hope you haven't abandoned me long time readers.  Where are you Anonymous Swedish Dude or you sweet Berba's Girl?

So this is apparently from United's website...  I've seen people do this shit to ESPN's website so I'm not a believer, but I figured I'd throw it out there 'cause it's fun and I'd like to see that freaky looking dude wearing one of those new AON kits.

I'm not a fan of the new away kits.  I can't put my finger on what they remind me of but there's something there.  I'll let you know when I figure that shit out.

How nice was Berba's goal in Community Shield?  Money.

How hard is it to score when you miss kick a ball and it goes off your face and into the net?  Really hard or totally luck.  Chicharito is going to be titties regardless.

Suck it, Chelsea.  You losers.  They looked bad, which is good, real good.

Is Ozil coming to United? Is he that Finding Nemo Turtle?

Ever seen Mesut Ozil and this turtle from Finding Nemo in the same room at the same time?  Coincidence?  I'm just saying they're the same exact person or turtle (debatable).  There are all kinds of rumors or in England "rumours" that he's in Manchester/seen at Manchester airport.  It could have been that cartoon turtle from Finding Nemo folks are seeing though, just a heads up.  But if this dude comes it would be shocking.  Not because United never seem to sign young stars,  not because the Glazers are silly-poor, but his name is Mesut.  What the fuck is that?  Mesut?  It doesn't even sound like a normal name or even a weird name.  It sounds made up at Comi-con or some shit.  Or some 1st level Cleric that Mordeth would battle with in D & D (I had to google D & D characters to come up with 1st level Cleric, don't think I know that shit).   Speaking of Mordeth the Blue, we've got the Shield next weekend...  Oh god, the season is around the corner...