Berbatov's Hattrick on the Scousers

Okay, okay...  Get off my back Berba's Girl.  I've not been posting because for some god awful reason I couldn't get the last two United games on television.  I missed the Everton game and the friggin Liverpool game all because my cable company doesn't offer Setanta.  Lame, I know.

That being said... I've waffled to and fro on one Dimitar Berbatov, although never on the sweetness of his name.  It always pissed me off how much United fans hated him, yet I knew why.  It's hard to watch him slink around sometimes, he's kind of the white Le Sulke.   He's doesn't smile often and I've had my worries over his lack of drive, mental make-up, and chain-smoking, but no longer.  Damn it, I'm on BOARD, Berba's Girl!  I may have the same crush on him that you do now.  By the highlights I've hunted down on the internet-superhighway-web thing I've seen Berbatov gold.  How great was that shot?  And if you don't know yet which one I'm talking about turn your tv on and you'll see that shit.  Bitchin.  Then United shits the bed and give the scousers back 2.  Who comes to the rescue?  The smokin' Bulgarian.  Word.

Valencia's ankle was gross.

Told you I'd be updating this blog super regularly and all serious like.  What the fuck happened against Everton?  I'm not even gonna comment.  It was gross.  Not as gross as Antonio Valencia's ankle yesterday...  Holy shit.  He should have learned from Robocop, Pris from Blade Runner, Dick Chaney and the Terminator that androids can be injured.  The dude still never took a breath after his ankle turned into the remnants of a rib dinner at Ronaldo's house (the fat one).  I feel horrible for the dude.  Not often do you actually get to see a dude look down and see his leg is all mangled and then point to it as he's discovered his whole world is fucked.  Here's to a speedy recovery, I'm sure they can just put an new ankle and foot on the guy like Luke's hand in Star Wars though.  Seriously, how did we not score against Rangers.  I hate those bastards.  How old is David Weir and when did he quit touring with the Grateful Dead?  United need to pull their collect heads out of their collective asses pretty quickly.  Luckily we've got Liverpool right around the corner...it's time to right the ship and they really suck balls right now.

Rooney, Sparkle, and Black Dynamite

Things I learned on this week of international football:

• Andrei Arshavin is probably the only grown man or woman to use the word "sparkle" in a sentence to other grown ups.
• Gonna have a hard time pulling on my Rooney kit.
• Black Dynamite was the funniest movie I've seen in awhile.
• I don't have a clue what "getting your coaches badges" really means.  I get that it's a step toward coaching when a player is done playing, but that's all I understand of it.
• They don't play any decent international football games on the television in the U.S.
• Lot's of reports saying we're going after Sotiris Ninis which is a weird fucking name.
• The prostitute Rooney was cramming is pretty friggin' hot.  
• You want to be the dude that brings Wayne Rooney his smokes.
• The prostitute in question called him "not that ugly". 

Wayne Rooney Affair

Great.  Numerous sources are saying some paper is publishing that Rooney was cramming some hot ass prostitute while his wife Coleen was prego with Kai.  Nice work, asshole.  I spent the last 6 month publicly crucifying John Terry for boning his teammate's girlfriend and now I too look like an asshole.  Damnit, Wayne.  Don't be a idiot.  Don't make me look bad, I'm plenty capable of that myself.  This isn't just bad for me.  It's almost as bad for his wife and son.  Think about it, nice to know ole' da was getting his johnson dipped while ma's throwing up and craving weird shit.  All this coming down on a weekend of international football...I can't even watch United play.  This is bad for me, people.  Really bad.  Thanks, jerk.

Sorry about this

I'm just going to get this over with as soon as possible.  United or Death now has it's own facebook page.  And I'm frequently annoying on twitter @unitedordeath.   Sorry.  So dorky.

Hleb spurns Liverpool for Birmingham City

After not doing much research regarding the matter, I'm offering this us as the god's honest truth:  Alyaksander Hleb has spurned Liverpool for Birmingham City.  No shit.  Birmingham City.  No offense Birmingham City but you're not exactly Barcelona or Arsenal, Hleb's previous teams.  Hell, you're not even Wigan.  But let's get back to how far exactly Liverpool have fallen.  Hleb would rather go to Birmingham City, a club that's gonna be fighting relegation (I guess Liverpool could not be that far off if Torres pops another tendon, ligament, or labia again) all season.  It's as if some journeyman like say, me, choose a spot on the Clippers when the Lakers came calling.  Forget that.  I just compared Liverpool to the Lakers which was a silly mistake.  The Lakers are still a contender, my bad.  Let's talk about Hleb for a minute.  He's like a weirder looking Willem Defoe whose already really weird looking.

Things I noticed after this weekend:
Avram Grant might be the boogeyman.  How scary looking is that fucker?  I'm pretty sure he sold his soul to the devil in a weird Twilight Zonish event.   Devil:  "You can manage Chelsea and in return I only ask for two things:  your soul and you can never sleep again."  Grant:  "Done.  Fuck sleep.  I'll lead Chelsea to the Champions League final...who could sack someone after that?!"

Nani made that defender fall down before nailing that shot against West Ham.

Berba delivered.

I'm bummed Tom Cleverly was loaned out.